I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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