At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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