But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
