Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
