Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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