Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
