I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
