My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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