i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
