PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
