You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
