Please, let me fuck your mom
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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