singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
