we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
