Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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