May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
