It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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