you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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