shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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