so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
