I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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