Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
