Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
