so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
