How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
