I CAN MOONWALK!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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