I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
