no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
