Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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