Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
