I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
