Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
