I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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