new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
