I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
