I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
