loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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