I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
