i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
