I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
