the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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