You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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