He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
