sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
