If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need to sanitize my soul.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
