Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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