I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
