all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
