Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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