that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
