Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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