8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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