this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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