Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
